Blog
This blog is a blend of posts across personal and poetical topics — each of which can also be found on their respective site pages if you prefer to read posts in a single genre. Your participation through comments, questions and shares is welcomed.
27 in Review (YIR): The Personal
I turn 28 this week, giving me cause to take pause and and reflect on the past year.
I started the year by ending a one-year relationship with a good man. In the movie version of my life, this is a montage that would be accompanied by swelling music and serious expressions. Meeting in Manhattan. Dinner at a hole-in-the-wall diner. Break-up conversation (each with talking points jotted down on padfolios). Early morning walk in Times Square. Getting out of the taxi in front of the Herald Square Macy’s and giving a final kiss good-bye.
I’m being a little tongue-in-cheek, of course. That all happened, and I was legitimately sad for the several months that followed (sorry for the tears, fellow WMATA passengers). At the same time, he and I are still really good friends today — and not in that awkward, one-person-still-wants-to-be-in-a-relationship kind of way. We talk one or two times a month. I’m still honestly surprised that it turned out so well.
This fall, I put up a profile on an online dating site — not because I felt lonely and not due to any compulsion to have a relationship, but because I felt like I was in a finally healthy place that leant itself to meeting people and trying something new.
The experience was a brief, but positive, one. I casually dated one man for a few months who was not at all the right person for me, but who actually made me feel really good about myself and (unbeknownst to him, I’m sure) helped me realize that I have a lot to give in a relationship. He also helped me realize how firm I am on certain relationship criteria, and was the first person with whom I ever initiated a break up. The “nice girl” in me felt bad at the time, but it was also incredibly empowering to know what you want and cut the cord on a relationship that’s not providing that.
And, oh hey, about those criteria?
1) Must read and like books. It doesn’t matter what kind, but if we have some overlapping tastes and could occasionally read the same books and discuss them, BONUS.
2) Must be passionate about your job. I don’t buy into that whole “work to live” mantra that sanctions staying in an uninteresting job because it allows you to do what you want in your free time. I realize not everyone has this luxury in the economy, but I need to be with someone who has found a way to do what he loves for a living. Life is too short give away eight (or more) hours every day to something that doesn’t give you meaning.
3) Must be financially secure. To clarify, this doesn’t mean, “You have to make lots of money.” It means, “I don’t want your debt.” If you owe more than $1,000 due to expenses that are not related to 1) Education 2) A mortgage 3) A car or 4) Emergency medical needs, I am really not interested.
4) Must not be a drug user or an alcoholic. I understand your arguments about marijuana legalization and about the relative dangers compared to other substances, but I am simply not interested in it. Same goes if you feel the need to keep alcohol in your house and drink every day. Oh, and if most of your best life experiences happened when you were “wicked drunk!!,” let’s not waste each other’s time.
There are a few other small ones (e.g. you can’t seriously expect me to come home at 4:30 and cook dinner for you) but these are the big ones. Crazy is in the eye of the beholder, I realize, but I don’t feel like these are too unreasonable.
I eventually took my online dating profile down. It’s not for me. More than 100 people messaged me in the few months I used the site, which is flattering. At the same time, it’s too easy to be discerning and to write people off based on one thing they said or a single picture that *maybe* indicates they live a life ill-suited to mine. I’m trying to be more open, and the site made me more judgmental.
In short, with one more year under my belt, what I can say is that I am more firm in my understanding that I’m never likely going to be one of those women who goes looking for a relationship. I don’t feel like I am in any way incomplete without a partner. I ultimately believe that the more important pursuit is keeping my eyes and heart open enough to see and embrace the opportunities that do come along.
Bombardment
A found poem from the February 10 New York Times article, “Don’t Tell Me, I Don’t Want to Know.“
We seek it out
despite ourselves
this (strangely
alluring) minutiae:
macabre symptoms
of gastrointestinal viruses
how much candy
someone has eaten
his wife’s ability
to Zumba.
Eight million ghosts
(a web of too many faces)
lodge themselves like pieces
of corn in our subconscious:
What is my obsession
with this person from sixth grade?
Why haven’t I walked
the Great Wall of China?
I should be taking
my son to Spain.
Gray Sidewalks, Green Yards
Found poem from the New York Times Jan. 12 article, “No Snow in New York, but a Wintry Mix of Opinion“
The absence has upset
the rhythms of the season:
store managers sit buried
in shovels, sleds and salt;
schoolchildren wonder when
the next snow day will come.
Skimpy winter steals the giddiness
and grace that accompanies snow,
spurs harried residents to long
for the swirling, ineffable lightness,
the stillness that descends,
making New York more magical.
Your Name Is Bobby
A found poem compiled from Craigslist Missed Connections posts
Are you alive? Or did you die
in that crash on Martin Luther?
Sundays are quieter now
without all the blues guitar.
I have three cats in my room;
I don’t know any of their names.
I am drinking and can’t remember
the specifics of that last night:
What color were our coats?
What type of shoes did you wear?
Is there possibility in absence?
I miss you, but then I don’t.
Something There Is That Doesn’t Love a Wall
That something is me, evidently, given that I’ve been in this apartment for two-and-a-half years and have almost nothing on my walls. The few things I have managed to tack up have been mostly driven by the impending visits of out-of-town friends or long-distance significant others. I want to be seen as an adult and, well, being an adult is having adequate home decor, right?
Okay, maybe not. Nonetheless, my late hours on Pinterest and the I’m-finally-going-to-do-this conviction of the new year have joined forces to put decorating back on the priority list.
I bought these 11×14 Jeff Mac prints today off of Etsy that I’m really excited about:
I also purchased these little guys from Juan Estrella on the site — perfect for the 3.5×2.5″ frames I have lying around. Juan has an entire series of little animal portraits painted on playing cards. I think they’re absolutely hilarious. I want all of them.
The piles of postcards I accrued when I studied and lived abroad may finally make their way into frames, and I’d also like to print out a bunch of the old-timey photos of my parents/grand-parents/great-grand-parents in Appalachia to hang up.
I’m definitely planning a cluster of Frank O’Hara poetry — I’ll frame some of my favorite poems of his as well as a photo of him. I also think it would be great to create clusters of cooking/food poetry for the dining room, bathroom poems for the bathroom and poems about sleeping/dreaming for the bedroom…but let’s not get too carried away here.
